absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
