guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
