Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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