the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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