2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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