I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
