i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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