I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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