i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
