I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
