The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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