will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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