All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
