Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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