I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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