I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
