I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
