I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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