My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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