When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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