3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
