You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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