Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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