So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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