We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
