I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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