At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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