I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
