No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
