can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
