Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Let's get the cat blown out
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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