Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
