foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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