i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
