based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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