Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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