shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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