billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
