so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
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Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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