There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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