Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
