We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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