I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
