did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
whose parrot is this?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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