This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
