She is in my trunk
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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