So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize