Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
