I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
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I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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