I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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