you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
