got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
