I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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