My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
