u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
