Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
