do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
