you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
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My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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