i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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