you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
