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I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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