U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
