You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
