its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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