Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
