i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
