i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
