I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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