11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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