Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
