non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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