Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
