like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
