Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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