I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
