I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
