I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
